Tuesday, July 19, 2011

News Flash - Pirates Stage Raid on Missouri River Port

There have been reports of pirates raiding the Missouri River port of Omaha, NE during the course of the weekend. None of the raids were large, however any raids are significant due to all of the flooding woes in the area.

According to eyewitness accounts, 5 pirates were seen in the area of the Qwest Center, stealing ribbons and charming spectators. Information suggests that leading the group is a young man named Winjammin's Captain Jack Sparrow, and was responsible for sacking the dog show ring of a Winner's Dog award on Saturday. Also in the same vicinity were his accomplices, Winjammin's Flying Dragon (known alias of Angel) and Westwind's Greed of the Captain Winjammin (known alias is Charm), although their efforts were foiled by authorities.

In a separate but related raid on the same location, a woman known as "Momma Pirate" (known aliases are Emmy or Ch Camelot's Maiden Voyage) staged two daring raids in two separate locations in two separate days. She appeared among a group of Juniors, relieving the judge of a third place award on Saturday, and then on Sunday, she staged what was perhaps the most daring event of the entire weekend, running off with another third place award, followed just a few short minutes later with a prestigious Grand Champion Select award from another judge.

Both of these raids were successfully accomplished by employing a 5th pirate creating a distraction, so that all authorities were looking in the wrong direction. This fifth member of the raid was called by the name "Calypso" (known alias Winjammin's Goddess of Deception) and had placed a "spell" of some sort over everyone she came across.

All of the brigands escaped capture with a parting call of "Surrender the Booty!" sounded by Captain Jack.

If anyone has any more information about this band of cutthroats, please notify authorities or this author.